Tuesday, June 14, 2016

DrScythe Thoughts - Part VI: How good feedback can be demoralizing

I already posted something about feedback and critique but I've got to add something: good feedback can be demoralizing. Don't get me wrong here: I absolutely LOVE the good feedback I receive. It was necessary to give me the confidence to launch Project 100. But I recently had to think about life and stuff again...

I soon will release my 10th song and it's a little more ambitious than the ones so far. Not in terms of the music but in terms of the lyrics and setting. But while working on this one I also was thinking about what I achieved so far..more than doubled my subs on YT, got the attention of a company (although that's mostly due to my reviews on a forum) and a relatively large number of "great song(s)!" "you're talented" "keep going!". While this is incredibly uplifting for the artist half of me, it's really frustrating for the rational part.

I am struggling to find a job at the moment so money is a big issue. I studied something very different from music because I always was (and still am) ridden by the idea that my songs and abitilies will never be good enough for people to like them. So I chose to do something more solid (IT management). Apparently companies are looking for people with my knowledge according to their advertisements but not me. So with every positive comment about my music I am now closer to cursing myself for wasting my time with this degree. And also cursing the whole internet for being so cluttered that it seems to be impossible to be noticed by more than one or two persons every time I try to promote my stuff.

It would be a completely different situation if I would've got a job (or a mysterious source of income..). I could just be happy about every single nice word and keep on working towards the 100 songs. But now I am always split between the two parts of my psyche which kills motivation for both things - the 'real world' problems are killing the creativity and the declined applications kill the motivation for applying again and again. It sometimes feels like everything is absolutely pointless. To have these feelings again (last time I was 16 or 17, now I am 28) is worrying me even further...

I have to admit that this blog was one of the first things I couldn't do anymore at the moment. So I figure that this will be one of the last posts for a while until things are back on track again...sorry for that...

so long


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